About four months ago, I got out of a 2 year long relationship. I’m pretty low key about my love life, and I’m sure some weren’t even aware that I was even in a relationship. As some may know, we made it clear to the public that our relationship came to an end last summer. With some time apart from each other (which included me dating another guy), after a few months we ended up together again. Our reconciliation was not made public due to the fact that I try to keep my love life private. It was also because of my pride. I’m not a person who likes to go back on their words and I like to mean what I say…so when we ended things last summer I really thought that was it…NO MORE!! But I found myself back in the black hole again. I was embarrassed and somewhat ashamed of myself for not following through with my decisions and running back to someone who didn’t make me all that happy. I’m not saying we weren’t happy together, we had some good moments…but a majority of the time if we weren’t fighting I was upset. We both came to the realization that we were definitely incompatible, but we still stuck it through. Why did we stay together if we drove each other crazy and made each other miserable? Maybe it was because we needed each other physically or maybe because we were comfortable with each other or maybe it was because we truly loved each other. Prior to our breakup last summer, there have been a few times where I just wanted to give up and throw in the towel, but each time I did, he would pull me back and convince me to stay and try to work it out. Silly me, I don’t know what I was thinking to believe him in that he could change for me.
Anyways, the second time around things just weren’t the same between us. Too many problems remain unresolved and we were truly incompatible. I’m not gonna go into the details of our problems…but they were big enough to make us unhappy and cause us to fight and be unhappy with each other. Sometimes we just have to realize what’s broken is broken and no matter how hard you try to piece it back together, it won’t be the same as it was before. We were both blinded and kept on running back to each other.
And no matter how many times I reassured myself as well as him that we were nothing, I let myself grow attached to him again. I realized that I have no one to blame but myself, because I let him hurt me by letting him come back into my life. Why couldn’t I just be strong enough and leave? Amongst my friends, I’m considered a really strong person…not physically but emotionally…I don’t usually let a guy get to me this much…but this time it was different possibly because he was my first true love.
Right when I thought things were falling into place and things were going well again. Life just had to shit on me and my heart broke once again…
the day he told me that he was ready to pursue another girl was the day our relationship had officially OFFICIALLY ended.
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